Television Without Stupidity

You Can Totally Wear That Again: I wonder what the brides looked like.

So: Gemma, Jax and Clay all spend the episode being reminded how hard it is to be a working parent -- Gemma, because she's now on the lam; Jax, who's near-catatonic over Abel's abduction; and Clay, because he has to chivvy a grief-numbed Jax through trying to find out where Abel is.

Reunion, Part II: The Real Housewives of New Jersey wrap up the season with some screaming, some yelling, some hugging, and more Kim G. ass crack.

There's No C In Team: Cathy finds her people. Just where she left them.

Gastro-nauts: The cheftestants have to cook space food, and this late in the competition, it truly is anyone's game. No, for real.

Fresh Blood: Penultimate showdown between vampires and the sun! Fathers and sons! Mothers and daughters! Dog-people! Cat-people! All the people! Doing it!

Episode 5: The lack of drama reaches stupefying new heights as the most likely people are sent home. Again.

Hide and Seek: Just what the houseguests need -- a $10,000 incentive to trash the house even more.

The Suitcase: …stink like a guy who vomits all over himself. Don ruins Peggy's birthday, tells her she has no ideas, and then yaks in front of her. Is it any surprise they're now closer than ever?

Waldorf Stories: …a whole lot of people, apparently. Don does win one, but that's about the only good thing that happens to him this episode. Also, Peggy gets naked, and it's better than sex.

Sick Jokes: Matt comes clean to the jury, giving them a chance to get an early start on their judging.

Not So Shore: Sammi is too moronic to deduce who wrote the letter, so she doubles up on stupidity and starts a fist fight with JWOWW. Sitch runs out of girls and nearly hits it with a tranny.

You Can Totally Wear That Again: I wonder what the brides looked like.

A Yippity Sippity: The Newmans manage to create lives only slightly creepier than the ones they left behind.

9 Chefs Compete, Part Two: Gordon Ramsay unleashes his young culinary charges on a pair of unsuspecting newlyweds, as the contestants cook for a 230-person wedding reception with predictably frenetic results. The judges then send two contestants home for crimes against pasta.

9 Chefs Compete: How many crabs must give their lives in order to determine who moves on in the contest to find America's first MasterChef? Nine, apparently. And how many contestants must face a similar slaughter at the hands of the judges? Just one will do quite nicely, thanks.

Bad Puppeteers and Worse Dancers: Lane visualizes his endgame, and the Brigade isn't in it.

There Is an "I" in Team: Crossing my fingers that the next challenge is to design a collection of pacifiers, all modeled by Gretchen and Ivy.

Reunion: These bitches are crazy.

Episode 4: Everyone gets their feelings hurt in today's challenge, but mostly Elizabeth, so it is funny.